The Letdown Lowdown: 9 Months

I know I missed a month, so I am going to skip to 9 months.

The past two months have brought a lot of changes for my baby. He’s now crawling all over the place and pulling up. He eats a ton of solid food now too. He’s a bottomless pit.

The development keeps coming faster and faster.

As for breastfeeding, we are definitely in a hard place. I want to continue, and I want him to get the benefits of breastmilk (especially during the cold/flu season) but his attention span for nursing is about zero, and my supply has gone down dramatically.

My baby nurses well when he is sleepy, but if he’s awake, he wants to look around and has no interest.

He does eat a lot of solids (we’re even on finger foods now) and he sometimes doesn’t even finish his 4.5 ounce bottles at daycare.

We also started supplementing. He gets a formula bottle at bedtime. With my questionable supply, I feel better knowing how much he got, and it’s a little easier to get him to focus on the bottle. He still won’t take much more than 4 ounces. I also have tried to give him at least one formula bottle during the day on the weekends to supplement nursing. I am just worried he’s not getting much when he nurses.

I dropped to pumping twice a day at work, and only get between 4 and 7 ounces total. Sometimes less. That is just so depressing. I think I could stop pumping and my milk would dry up. I also pump before I go to bed, to help get more milk for the next day, but the third bottle he takes during the day is either frozen milk or formula. Something is better than nothing for now.

I keep telling myself I am ok with supplementing (and I am) but I know in the back of my head each bottle feeding needs to be replaced with me pumping.

At this point whatever happens happens. I am scared though that we will stop nursing, and I won’t realize the last time he nurses is the last time (if that makes sense.)

The Letdown Lowdown: Month 7

Breastfeeding this month definitely had some ups and downs. My supply is still pretty low, and I am starting to doubt whether my baby gets enough on the weekends. I just can’t keep him interested long enough to get a lot out. He gets distracted every 5 seconds. He tends to wake up more if he doesn’t get at least one bottle during the day.

He loves solids, so that is reassuring I guess.

We continue to supplement. He gets a bottle of formula almost every night before bed. I know he will eat it all (and I can see how much) and he eats much quicker without getting distracted. And it is just easier because I am home with the baby and toddler most nights.

I don’t feel any guilt at supplementing, but I do feel the pressure of it impacting my supply, so I have to be extra diligent about pumping at home each night (which is kind of a pain). But I usually get enough at night to get enough to finish up bottles for the next day. I supplement with a bag from the freezer or formula when I need to.

Two of the worst moments this month were leaving the cooler bag of bottles out on the counter overnight  and having a bottle of milk spill in my cooler bag at work.

We’re still on the same schedule, nurse in the morning around 7, 3 bottles at daycare, nurse sometimes when we get home around 6, bottle before bed around 7, then I pump at night around 9, and then my baby wakes up once during the night between 2 and 4 am and nurses. on the weekends, its nurse every 2-3 hours and a bottle at bed time.  He also eats 3 jars of food during the day. At work I pump usually 3 times, but sometimes only twice.

I’ve definitely become even more comfortable with nursing in public or nursing in front of others (friends and family). I’ve also been in situations where I had to stay somewhere I could watch my toddler, and the baby needed to nurse, so I couldn’t just go to another room.

I often think about how easy it would be to stop, but with winter cold and flu season coming up, I just feel like the potential benefits my baby can get from breastmilk out weigh the sacrifices I have to make.

The Letdown Lowdown: Month 6

Month 6 – low supply and supplementing

Wow, 6 months have flown by. Breastfeeding for 6 months was my initial goal with both babies (I made it 12 months with my first).

As my baby started eating solids it also took some pressure off knowing he was getting sustenance from other sources. But breastmilk would still be his main source of nourishment.

We struggle with him being distracted, which is made worse due to my slow flow/let down and having a toddler running around when we’re at home.

I try to tell myself that my supply is keeping up and will be enough, but it is so hard not to let self doubt creep in. The last thing I want is for my baby to be hungry!

Also this month my supply took a nose dive. I started pumping about 1/4 less than (sometimes 1/2!)  what I was before. I tried not to let is stress me out, because I knew stress on top of that would only make it worse. I am pumping every night before bed to get enough and/or using milk from the freezer or formula.

We started using some formula for supplementing, which I definitely feel better about now that he’s 6 months, and was much easier on myself than I was with my first baby. However, formula is a slippery slope, and I am trying to pump 3 times at work and once at night before bed to help keep my supply up. (at 20 minutes each that’s an hour and 20 minutes of my day pumping – plus clean up time).

I try to remind myself not to give up on the worst day – like when I only pump 2 ounces in 20 minutes.

I finally feel comfortable nursing in public in most situations. Especially if I have my 2 shirt method (wear nursing tank to pull down and a shirt on top to pull up). The top shirt covers most of my boob.

My baby takes 3 bottles at daycare – still 4.5 ounces each. I never pump that much except on a rare occasion in the morning. He nurses in the morning, at night, and on weekends. We’re pretty much on the same schedule.

I still freeze my milk from Friday to add to the freezer stash, and then thaw the oldest milk for Monday’s bottles. This still seems to be working pretty well, although I am taking more out than I am putting in.

Because he gets distracted so easily, it’s easier to nurse when he’s tired or we’re in a dark quiet room.

This month my baby started moving his hands around a lot while he’s nursing. He grabs my face or shirt, but sometimes pinches my skin on my chest – and that hurts! I’ve startled him a few times when I say “ouch!” It might be time to get one of my nursing necklaces out – they are made of fabric covered wooden beads.

Pumping at my offsite meeting went well. I was able to use their conference room. Since I had my Spectra there was no stress about needing to find somewhere with outlets. I pumped on the way there since it was over an hour away. However I forgot to get myself all set up before I left and was kind of adjusting as was driving down the interstate in traffic. Then when I got there I poured the milk into a single bottle and put it in my cooler bag.

I kept everything (pump, attachments, cooler bag) in my book bag – I’m sure the other people there were wondering what I was carrying around in a full backpack. The spectra is more bulky than the Medela Pump in Style, but oh well. I just relied on my ice pack to keep everything cold. It probably didn’t get that cold, but I was comfortable that it at least didn’t get hot. I did have a hard time finding a good time to slip out of the meeting and ended up pumping at lunch and then during an afternoon break. Luckily since I have a low supply I was in no fear of leaking or getting full.

The Letdown Lowdown: Month 5

Month 5 – All about the pump

Another month went by in the blink of an eye. Seriously, where does time go? My supply is continuing to hang on, but I had to add in some pumps at night to get enough for the next day (or go into the freezer stash). I have to pump 3 times at work to keep up, and some days I only pump twice and have to go into the freezer stash for the next day. My baby is eating three 4 oz bottles. I send a 2-3 oz bottle extra in case of emergency. The good news is he’s finishing bottles, so no more wasted milk! Hooray!

I am so lucky to have a relatively flexible job that I can move around my pumping times each day if I need to.  We also have a nice mothers room with the symphony pumps in it (there’s 5 individual stations). I still need a full 20 minutes just to get 3.5-4 ounces.

I know that the stress (totally self induced) of exclusive breastfeeding will go down after 6 months. Mainly because my baby will start eating solids. I feel so close to that point, but I am totally not prepared – mentally. At least with breastfeeding I don’t have to plan ahead and think much about. I still have a decent freezer stash, but I know it will go quick if I don’t keep up.

The baby weight doesn’t seem to be coming off (it’s actually 1st baby weight) so I tried counting calories, and just cutting back a little, I noticed a dip in my supply. So much for that.

I bought some supplements to try to help my supply, I tried some with fenugreek, but they didn’t seem to do much. I also got some brewers yeast caplets, because those are way easier to take than the powder. The others I am trying is one I found on etsy – called milkapalooza and the other is Dr. Christophers Lactation Formula. I’ve also heard that Malta will help, but it tastes disgusting to me.

I want to buy new clothes, but right now I really need things that are easily accessible for nursing (at least for home), and I am hoping to lose some weight in the future so I don’t want to buy a bunch of clothes in a bigger size either. At work, we have private pumping spaces so I can take a dress off if it’s not easily accessible, but on the go, I need separates at least that I can use with a nursing tank or nursing bra. I am pretty small chested, so I live in nursing tanks (awesome padded ones from Pea in a Pod – no show through and more support. They are expensive but worth it!)

Again, finding the motivation to pump is hard this time around. But on the other hand nursing is so easy. And I still hate washing bottles.

Here’s our current weekday feeding schedule:

6:30-7am wake up and nurse

3 bottles at daycare (4 oz), roughly 10, 1, and 3:30. I try to pump 3 times a day too.

Get home at 6 with baby and toddler, short nursing session if he ate on the early side, skip if he ate closer to 4.

Nurse at 7, put baby down for the night

He usually wakes up around 10pm and 1am and will just take a paci, then when he wakes up around 3-4am I will feed him, he’s mostly asleep but will usually take some from each side.

On the weekends, we are just kind of on a 3 hour schedule of eat play sleep, but bedtime is usually around 7-7:30.

As much as I’d like to sleep through the night, I think my baby needs that extra feeding to get enough in a 24 hour period. He just doesn’t seem to want much more than 4 oz a time. And I don’t know if I can produce much more than that anyway. With my first I ran into the issue of the daycare saying he wanted to eat more. However, I think it was more because he was fussy than hungry, so I am waiting to see if they start saying that again.

Luckily I haven’t had any issues, no clogged ducts and no mastitis or anything like that – but I think that’s more likely due to my low supply.

I have an off-site all day meeting coming up, that I am anxious about. I emailed the coordinator and asked for a space to pump, but don’t know what it will be, or how easy it will be to slip out of the meeting.

The Letdown Lowdown: Month 4

I am finally caught up! 4 Months!

I have one month of being a working mom of two under my belt.

This past month went by so fast. I was so busy at work, the days went by fast.

I struggled to find time to pump. The motivation just wasn’t there. I also do not get engorged or full or leak so I have no sense of urgency. Maybe because I am also a more relaxed second time mom I am not hyper aware of needing to pump to keep my supply up.

Breastfeeding itself was easier. We nurse on nights and weekends. I think this comes with time. I was less stressed because he was gaining weight. My baby got more efficient at eating too. I also enjoy breastfeeding, and appreciate that time we have together. I also dislike pumping more – mainly because of all the bottle washing. I have enough bottles to wash already!

He’s still pretty gassy, but I have stopped all food restrictions. His colicky-ness has seemed to get a lot better. I guess he just grew out of it.

We went on a long weekend trip and my baby was so great going with the flow. I nursed him at the aquarium with a cover. I am still not the most confident nursing in public (NIP) and usually just nursed in the car. Also because it was so hot I could have the AC blowing on me in the car.

I try to pump 3 times at work, and usually can. On days that I am super busy or have a lunch meeting or need a sanity break and go out for lunch or go the gym I have pumped twice. Sometimes I get almost the same amount of milk, sometimes a less. I am usually pumping 5-6 ounces in the morning then 4 ounces at lunch and in the afternoon.

I am also building up a pretty good freezer supply. I freeze milk from Fridays and then use the oldest frozen milk on Mondays. P.S. Target shoe boxes are the perfect storage container for frozen milk bags. I always freeze them flat to save space too.

But the 4th month came with it’s own challenges.

My baby still gets distracted easily while nursing. I try a few times to get him to finish, but if he’s not interested, I take him off and if he acts hungry later let him eat again. But I try to get him to eat a full meal because I don’t want him “snacking” all day.

For the first half of the month, my husband was staying home with our toddler and baby during the day. This made my transition to work easier. Also, our baby continued to nap well, at home, in his crib, lights off, sound machine on, and swaddled. However, when he went to daycare, right before he turned 4 months old, naps became horrible (20-30 minutes). So the poor guy is tired when he gets home and I don’t get to spend much time with him before he is tired and goes to bed (around 7-7:30).

He also still isn’t great about taking bottles, and on a regular basis doesn’t finish his bottles at daycare. And it KILLS me that they have to throw out 1-3 ounces some days!

Sleep at night has also been all over the place, with sometimes my baby waking up once or twice, and sometimes every hour. Because he’s so close (literally 10 feet maybe) and I don’t want him to wake up the toddler, I try to go in and give him his pacifier, but usually end up feeding him. I know its the fastest way for us both to go back to sleep. I am also leery because my first didn’t sleep through the night until he night weaned at a year. (I night weaned him – he didn’t do it on his own). I am going to start thinking about night weaning though because sometimes he will wake up around 4 am eat a lot and then isn’t hungry when I get him up or when he wakes up between 6 and 7 am.

I’ve gone back and forth with dream feeds before I go to bed – bottle or breast, and they don’t seem to consistently help him sleep longer.

I am feeling pretty confident that we will be able to reach my goal of breastfeeding for a year now.

The Letdown Lowdown: Month 3

The third month was full of new breastfeeding challenges. Newborns change so fast – as soon as you find something that works, it doesn’t work any more. I think the third month had some of the hardest times, and is also when everything got easier.

My baby’s weight gain had been fantastic, so I was feeling more confident, even though I didn’t feel like I had a huge supply or anything.

After realizing my baby was not a low-key, easy going baby, I had accepted the fact. Lots of screaming (like SCREMAING screaming) lots of gas. NO spit up, at all though. I knew he was a good eater based on all the weight he had gained (almost doubled birth weight by 2 months).

The zantac didn’t seem to make any difference, so we only did that for a few weeks. I kept up the food restrictions (no dairy, eggs, gluten, or soy) for a few more weeks. It was hard to have such a restricted diet, especially when you have a newborn and you are just trying to eat whatever is quick and easy.  I finally decided it wasn’t really making a difference, and slowly added back in eggs and wheat.

At the end of the month we went on vacation and I also added back in some dairy. He did seem a little more fussy, but we were so off schedule and all over the place it was hard to tell if the extra fussy-ness was from messing with his schedule or the dairy.

Now for the actual breastfeeding…

At the beginning of the month, I felt like he was latched all the time. We were basically feeding on demand, and every time he got upset, I would give him the boob. And it seemed to calm him down. I also felt like we needed to try to get on some kind of more predictable schedule so I could get out some more. And maybe get some more sleep.

I went back to some of my first time mommy resources and decided to re-read my Moms On Call book. We would try a 3 hour schedule, even though we had slipped into the dreaded 30 minute nap cycle and I had an over-tired cranky baby too.

I also knew I would be going back to work in a few weeks, and needed to have some kind of schedule so I could pump and get some milk stored and let him get used to a bottle in anticipation of my return. We hadn’t been as diligent with introducing the bottle this time around.

We started the 3 hour schedule, with his last feeding before bed being a bottle a few nights a week and then I could pump. The schedule seemed to help him. I was also more diligent about putting him down for a nap before he got over tired. We also moved him to his crib.

Miraculously I was pumping way more than he would ever eat at that feeding (3-4 ounces max) and was able to give him a bottle and freeze some. I don’t know if it was just my supply was natural better from him eating so often, or I was more relaxed, or it was my Spectra pump, but I was pumping 6-8 ounces (with my first I hardly ever pumped more than 4).

He wasn’t too fond of the bottle, and would kind of stop sucking after 2 ounces and then just kind of let the bottle drip in his mouth for another ounce or so. I wanted him to eat more to stay fuller longer, but he just wasn’t going to do it. This is why we ended up only doing the bottle a few nights a week. He was taking 30 minutes to finish a bottle.

He was still waking up twice during the night to eat, but was doing a 6+ hour stretch after the initial bed time. I’d take it. We also moved him to his crib to sleep at night. It was harder not to just reach over and put the paci back in his mouth or shush him or pick him up and pull him into my lap to feed, but I was hoping we would both sleep better with him being just a little farther away (across the hall – maybe 15 feet).

Like I said in the beginning everything changes so quickly with newborns, and soon we had another new challenge. Around 10-11 weeks, my baby became much more alert, and would not stay latched or focused on breastfeeding. Because I have a slow let down and flow, he just would eat a little then look up an me, unlatch, smile, coo etc. He was also super easily distracted by any noise. I remember this with my first, so I at least felt like this was normal and not my failing. Instead of the hopeless failure feeling I had the first time, depending on how dis-interested he was I would either keep trying to latch him and eat some more, or just let us be done for that meal. When he got hungry he would let me know. But I also didn’t want him “snacking” all day. See, nothing is straight forward.

I also am way more comfortable breastfeeding in public (usually with a cover). I used it sitting at the dinner table at a restaurant while we were on vacation, no problem. Also at the beach without a cover, but I was showing less skin than some skimpy bikinis do anyway.

At the end of the month, I went back to work. At least my baby was going to be home with Daddy a few more weeks so we didn’t have to jump right into the regiment of daycare (and no swaddle at nap times, less attention, having to get him up and dressed and dropped off in the morning, clean and label bottles at night, etc.) Also having done pumping at work before with my first made it immensely easier the second time around. I also went back to work on a Thursday so I only had to make it through two days before a weekend.

I am very lucky that my office has a dedicated mothers room with Medela Symphony (hospital grade pumps). I was very hopeful that when I went back to work I would be pumping all this milk and have no worries about supply. My first day first pump, I got 6 ounces – a new record (for me!) I was hopeful, but I always got more in my first pump. Then the next pump (3 hours later) I got 4 ounces, ok not awesome, but not terrible. And then at the next one 3.5 hours later I got 4 ounces again. I’ve pretty consistently been pumping 12-13 ounces, which is almost exactly what my baby eats (3 4oz bottles). I would love to build up my freezer stash, so I might try some galactagogues soon. I also think the stress at work is effecting me a bit as well. I do use “hands on pumping” with compressions most of the time, and will continue to do so.

The Letdown Lowdown: Month 2

Seriously this time is such a blur. All the days blend together.

I am way more confident in breastfeeding this time and have way less anxiety. I am not saying I know it all, but I feel like I don’t need to google the heck out of every little thing. I don’t think I have a huge supply, but it seems like it’s enough. I still have a slow let down and flow. I try really hard not to watch the clock while my baby is feeding.

I’ve basically abandoned all the “breastfeeding pillows” (boppy, etc) that I have – yes I have multiple (they just don’t seem to help this time) and just use our throw pillows.

We continued our pattern of any time my baby got upset (like, really upset – meltdown) trying to calm him down with holding, bouncing and rocking, but ultimately  just letting him nurse.

He was eating A LOT. At least every 3 hours (usually more often) during the day and about every 3 – 3.5 hours at night. Maybe because of this, I still never felt engorged or even full, and still never leaked.

That’s how he gained 3.5 pounds in a month and was up to 11 lb 3.5 oz (more than doubled birth weight) at 2 months! This made me feel much better about nursing and my milk supply.

We were dealing with some serious colicky-ness and tummy troubles this month. My baby is super gassy. We did find a pacifier that he would suck on, so that gave me a little break from being his pacifier. We also tried gas drops and gripe water and probiotics. Nothing really made much difference. Maybe it was my milk, maybe he was swallowing too much air (he never burped) who knows??

I was still trying to find out the cause of what seemed to be tummy troubles. Our pediatrician was supportive of me cutting out dairy, but didn’t strongly feel like my baby had an intolerance. After all, he was born early and new babies’ stomach and intestinal systems are still developing, maybe that was the case. He didn’t have any skin or diaper issues.

The month before I had half-heartedly started cutting out dairy, but I realized I was eating a lot of “hidden dairy” that I hadn’t even thought to look for so I got more serious about reading labels.

My chiropractor suggested cutting out wheat, which got me researching food intolerances in breast milk. It’s really hard to do elimination diets, but I wanted to make my baby feel better and be happier as soon as possible. (aka I started feeling desperate – mixed with post partum hormones. fun). After reading about baby intolerances, I also tried cutting out eggs and soy. At the same time I was desperate to find anything to help my baby feel better, but my mommy-intuition told me it wasn’t an intolerance (no spit up, no skin rash, no real diaper issues). And while starting this “elimination diet” possibly driving myself even crazier.

After a few more weeks, I called the Dr. and after describing his symptoms to the nurse, we also got a prescription for baby zantac thinking maybe it was “silent reflux”. I thought we’d try it, maybe it’d be the miracle so many other moms described for silent reflux. But I had my doubts.

It didn’t take long to see that zantac was making no difference.

Pumping

I’ve been trying to pump but it’s so hard when I get less than 3 hours between feeding. The thought of pumping, feeding him with a bottle, then washing the bottle and pump parts seems like SO much more work than just breastfeeding. Especially when I am home with a toddler and no other adult to help. When I do pump, it’s in between feedings and I maybe get 1-2 ounces.

I love my Spectra S1 pump, and am going to look into getting the parts to be able to use the Medela flanges with it.

Overall, I am less stressed about my supply, but more stressed about my colicky baby. I am not obsessing over how much milk to have in my freezer when I go back to work.

My First Breastfeeding Experience

Yes it’s a journey, a trek, and adventure. It has highs and lows. It humbled me like nothing had before (except being a mom in general). Breastfeeding is not something you can just read a book or see and be able to do it. You have to learn by doing it.

Before I had my first baby, I tried to learn all I could about breastfeeding. I took a class at the hospital, I read things on the internet, I listened to a podcast. I knew a lot. But I still didn’t know what to expect.

Here’s a summary of my first breastfeeding experience. I wrote this when my first baby was 7 months old.

Overall, it’s been hard work. I never had any pain (thank God) but it’s been hard work for me and my baby.

How did we start out?
As soon as he was born, the hospital lactation consultant came down to our delivery room. “Yes!” I thought, someone to help us get started on the right foot. However, (and this is mostly a blur) we tried to latch him, she looked at (and squeezed) my nipples, and declared me to have inverted nipples (they got flat when squeezed). She gave me a nipple shield, and some shells (to help my nipples stay out). And basically said good luck, see you tomorrow.

I am glad we got that nipple shield right away, because it did seem to help him latch onto something, however, I do think in the end it hindered my supply (but that was probably also due to a weak latch). Which came first, right?

Whether it was newborn sleepiness, or not getting enough to eat, he would have the hardest time staying awake and latched to keep eating. I had to get him down to a diaper, and I had to ask my husband to get me a damp paper towel to rub along his face/body every time I fed him to try to keep him awake. I was constantly fidgeting with him to try to keep him awake to eat. He was pretty much eating non-stop – falling asleep eating, waking up eating a little and back to sleep. I was so worried that he wasn’t getting enough (he also had high bilirubin, and I knew that the only way to flush it out was to eat) that I did everything I could to keep getting more milk into him.  I  am pretty sure he was spending as much energy trying to eat as he was getting out of eating. In hindsight, I really wish I had a pump, and could have pumped some to give to him through a bottle or supplemental nursing system so he could have gotten more without working so hard. Also to help pull my nipples out.

Our first night home, he was feeding/sleeping from 2am to 5 am, and I kept asking myself if I could do this?

At our first trip to the Ped, the next day, he was still looking yellow, so he had another jaundice test, and it was in the borderline range, so we got a billibed. I am so thankful our Ped didn’t try to talk me into formula feeding at that point, because I know I would have given up. But the fact that he spent the next 4 days on the billibed 24 hours a day when not feeding probably made it hard for me to increase my supply as well.  Babies’ poop is supposed to change from the dark meconium within a few days, his took about a week. But when we went back the next Monday he had gained a few oz, so the Ped was ok with that, knowing he was also sweating in the billibed. I do wonder how much he could have gained if we had been able to feed on demand and do more skin to skin. My milk didn’t really come in until 5 days also.

That first week was a viscous cycle, he couldn’t eat enough, my supply didn’t increase fast enough, he was weak and a bad latcher so he couldn’t help me increase my supply, he couldn’t get stronger because my supply wasn’t there, on and on like that. But I just kept trying.

Feeding sessions continued to last about an hour (30 minutes each side) with me fighting to keep him awake to keep feeding. I kept waiting for it to get easier and faster and it really wasn’t. It was so hard to take an hour to feed him every time. I did get my pump about 3 weeks later, and began to pump between feedings, but only getting about 1/2 oz to 1 oz each time (which based on my research was normal in between feeds). I also joined 5 or 6 breastfeeding support groups on facebook and read the entire KellyMom website and LLL website backwards and forwards. More reading and more researching, I learned things to try to help him have a better latch, but he would get tired and slip to a lazy (ie inefficient) latch. Again, I think this really hampered my supply. If I had had an oversupply, I might not have even noticed, but I don’t. He had to work hard just to get a full feeding. My boobs never felt soft and empty, I knew he was barely getting enough, but he was able to gain enough just to stay on a 4th pecentile weight curve.

Because he had such a hard time keeping a good latch I went through all the possibilities. I was feeling really hopeless that I would be able to continue to breastfeed. Would I have to give up 8 hours every day to do it? Was I putting him through more than he could handle?

We introduced the bottle around the 1 month mark. Once I was able to pump enough for one bottle, my husband would give him a bottle while I pumped one for the next night.

I also think my milk has high lipase, because it had a metalic taste and smell, but it never seemed to bother my baby. I went through a few daunting weeks of scalding all my milk (yes, I heated each bottle up to a certain temperature, before quickly cooling it in an ice bath and freezing it) before storing it to try to get rid of the lipase. Thank God my baby didn’t mind, and would drink it without scalding. I know I would not be able to keep that up. I did try to freeze my milk within the same day to slow it down though.

I even went to see the LC at the hospital again at 12 weeks. I was concerned he could have a tongue tie or lip tie. She said he didn’t. Mainly because I wasn’t in pain. I think he may, which is why he wasn’t strong enough to keep a good latch. He also has a pretty high palate. But whatever. We did a weighed feed, and I fed him for 30 minutes on each side, and he got about 4 oz. So at least he was transferring milk.  I was starting work the next week, and would have to see how pumping during the day would go.

As it turned out, going back to work and pumping was a blessing in disguise.  I really think getting 3 full bottles during the day helped him gain some weight and helped me keep my supply up. But the times I was breastfeeding were in the morning, when he was sleepy, and in the evening when he was sleepy. So again not the most efficient transfer at those times.

Around the same time, he started becoming very distracted, which also made the bottles a blessing in disguise. I hate to say it, but if I had had to stay home and breastfeed every feeding, I think my supply would have gone down, and he wouldn’t have kept gaining weight and  would have given up.

So where are we now?

6 months, all breast milk except a few bottle of formula we tested out to see if he would tolerate it “just in case we needed a back up.”  But we never used it on a regular basis.

Looking back now, I kept waiting for it to get easier, people kept telling me “it gets easier” some said 6 weeks, some said 12 weeks. I would say it didn’t get any easier until about 20-22 weeks.

What happened then? I think my baby was finally big enough and strong enough to maintain a good latch throughout an entire feeding. He was able to get enough before he got lazy to fill up. He still gets distracted super easy, every sound, every time daddy walks through the room, and forget about it if he hears daddy, he pops right off.

How’s pumping going?
I can write a whole story about this as well. Currently, I try to pump 3 times at work, and at least once before bed. I am barely keeping up with him (he was eating 4 bottles at daycare – 4.5 oz each, now we are doing 3 – 5 oz bottle) and I have dipped into the small freezer stash I was able to make while he was only taking 3 4 oz bottles at daycare. Hopefully once he starts eating solids more regularly, he will space out his bottles.

My original goal was to make it 6 months. Now anything on top of that I will be happy with, and will try to keep breastfeeding up to year if we can.

The Letdown Lowdown: Month 1

I want to document my breastfeeding journey with my second baby. You really forget all the small details and I wanted to capture them. I also hope that some of the things I share help other women with their breastfeeding journey.

A little background information… My baby was born 3 weeks early with an induction (preclampsia). I was worried that because of this, we would have difficulty breastfeeding, that he would be jaundiced, and that he would be very small, needing a nipple shield, having a sleepy baby that wouldn’t take a full feed, my milk would take forever to come in, etc. (Yes this is how my brain works, especially with all the anxiety of being pregnant and being diagnosed with preclampsia). All things that had a high likelihood of occurring based on my experience with my first baby (born at 40 weeks, jaundiced, and on the small side too). I will do a lot of comparisons to my first breastfeeding experience too. You can read about my first breastfeeding experience here.

After a long but relatively uneventful labor (24 hours – 12 for cervidil 12 on pitocin 5 minutes of pushing) he was born weighing only 5 lb 4 oz (not a huge surprise). I was able to hold him immediately after delivery and able to nurse within the first hour. Luckily, even though he was early and tiny, he didn’t need to stay in the NICU at all.

Even though I breastfed my first for a year, I still felt like I didn’t totally know what I was doing with a tiny newborn. Luckily, with a little help from the nurse (i.e. an extra hand) I was able to latch him, and he stayed on my breast for about 30 minutes.

This immediately made me more hopeful. I didn’t need a nipple shield. While in the hospital he would latch and actually eat before falling asleep. Pretty much any time he woke up, I put him on my breast. No schedule. I was determined for this to be a successful experience.

When we left the hospital he was jaundiced, but going through that with my first made it a little easier. I also knew we had a laid back and pro-breastfeeding pediatrician. The best way to get rid of jaundice is to eat, so that’s what we did. I also wanted to bring my milk in as soon as possible. We still had to have his blood tested on days 4, 5 and 6, for bilirubin, but it wasn’t rising above the threshold for bili-lights (my first had to get a bilibed the first week). My Pediatrician did ask us to give him a supplemental 4 oz on days 5-6 (the weekend) and I was able to pump 2 oz and give him 2 oz of formula (not the end of the world – which is how I felt with my first). I already had my pump at home so I tried pumping in between feeds. I would only get an ounce or less, but it was something.

By one week, his bili levels had gone down, my milk had come in, and he had gained back almost to his birth weight – woo hoo! I was producing milk, and he was efficiently drinking! I really couldn’t even tell my milk had come in – except for pumping seeing white milk, because I never felt engorged, and never leaked.

From there it was a learning curve for both of us, but having done it before helped me a lot. I knew what to expect and when not to worry about things.

He ate about every 3 hours on the dot, and I would set an alarm at night to feed every three hours, but he usually woke up anyway. Then at 3 weeks (his due date) he suddenly was more alert and did not like it. He started screaming ALL THE TIME if he wasn’t latched. So trying to keep my sanity, I kept him at the boob when he got upset (when it doubt, whip it out).

This was hard to get much of anything done. Carrying him around everywhere, sleeping in my arms during the day. It also was hard for me to do much for/with my toddler. That first month really is all about survival mode.

I had started to wonder if his colicky-ness was some kind of intolerance caused by something I was eating. I also went ahead and started trying to cut dairy out of my diet to see if it made much difference. I was focusing on the obvious forms of dairy (milk cheese butter) and not really searching ingredient labels for hidden dairy.

At his one month pediatrician appointment he had gained almost 2.5 pounds (which blew me away). And was back on the weight growth chart (he started out in the negatives – they don’t adjust it for early babies if they are only a few weeks early apparently). I guess all that eating was paying off.