My First Breastfeeding Experience

Yes it’s a journey, a trek, and adventure. It has highs and lows. It humbled me like nothing had before (except being a mom in general). Breastfeeding is not something you can just read a book or see and be able to do it. You have to learn by doing it.

Before I had my first baby, I tried to learn all I could about breastfeeding. I took a class at the hospital, I read things on the internet, I listened to a podcast. I knew a lot. But I still didn’t know what to expect.

Here’s a summary of my first breastfeeding experience. I wrote this when my first baby was 7 months old.

Overall, it’s been hard work. I never had any pain (thank God) but it’s been hard work for me and my baby.

How did we start out?
As soon as he was born, the hospital lactation consultant came down to our delivery room. “Yes!” I thought, someone to help us get started on the right foot. However, (and this is mostly a blur) we tried to latch him, she looked at (and squeezed) my nipples, and declared me to have inverted nipples (they got flat when squeezed). She gave me a nipple shield, and some shells (to help my nipples stay out). And basically said good luck, see you tomorrow.

I am glad we got that nipple shield right away, because it did seem to help him latch onto something, however, I do think in the end it hindered my supply (but that was probably also due to a weak latch). Which came first, right?

Whether it was newborn sleepiness, or not getting enough to eat, he would have the hardest time staying awake and latched to keep eating. I had to get him down to a diaper, and I had to ask my husband to get me a damp paper towel to rub along his face/body every time I fed him to try to keep him awake. I was constantly fidgeting with him to try to keep him awake to eat. He was pretty much eating non-stop – falling asleep eating, waking up eating a little and back to sleep. I was so worried that he wasn’t getting enough (he also had high bilirubin, and I knew that the only way to flush it out was to eat) that I did everything I could to keep getting more milk into him.  I  am pretty sure he was spending as much energy trying to eat as he was getting out of eating. In hindsight, I really wish I had a pump, and could have pumped some to give to him through a bottle or supplemental nursing system so he could have gotten more without working so hard. Also to help pull my nipples out.

Our first night home, he was feeding/sleeping from 2am to 5 am, and I kept asking myself if I could do this?

At our first trip to the Ped, the next day, he was still looking yellow, so he had another jaundice test, and it was in the borderline range, so we got a billibed. I am so thankful our Ped didn’t try to talk me into formula feeding at that point, because I know I would have given up. But the fact that he spent the next 4 days on the billibed 24 hours a day when not feeding probably made it hard for me to increase my supply as well.  Babies’ poop is supposed to change from the dark meconium within a few days, his took about a week. But when we went back the next Monday he had gained a few oz, so the Ped was ok with that, knowing he was also sweating in the billibed. I do wonder how much he could have gained if we had been able to feed on demand and do more skin to skin. My milk didn’t really come in until 5 days also.

That first week was a viscous cycle, he couldn’t eat enough, my supply didn’t increase fast enough, he was weak and a bad latcher so he couldn’t help me increase my supply, he couldn’t get stronger because my supply wasn’t there, on and on like that. But I just kept trying.

Feeding sessions continued to last about an hour (30 minutes each side) with me fighting to keep him awake to keep feeding. I kept waiting for it to get easier and faster and it really wasn’t. It was so hard to take an hour to feed him every time. I did get my pump about 3 weeks later, and began to pump between feedings, but only getting about 1/2 oz to 1 oz each time (which based on my research was normal in between feeds). I also joined 5 or 6 breastfeeding support groups on facebook and read the entire KellyMom website and LLL website backwards and forwards. More reading and more researching, I learned things to try to help him have a better latch, but he would get tired and slip to a lazy (ie inefficient) latch. Again, I think this really hampered my supply. If I had had an oversupply, I might not have even noticed, but I don’t. He had to work hard just to get a full feeding. My boobs never felt soft and empty, I knew he was barely getting enough, but he was able to gain enough just to stay on a 4th pecentile weight curve.

Because he had such a hard time keeping a good latch I went through all the possibilities. I was feeling really hopeless that I would be able to continue to breastfeed. Would I have to give up 8 hours every day to do it? Was I putting him through more than he could handle?

We introduced the bottle around the 1 month mark. Once I was able to pump enough for one bottle, my husband would give him a bottle while I pumped one for the next night.

I also think my milk has high lipase, because it had a metalic taste and smell, but it never seemed to bother my baby. I went through a few daunting weeks of scalding all my milk (yes, I heated each bottle up to a certain temperature, before quickly cooling it in an ice bath and freezing it) before storing it to try to get rid of the lipase. Thank God my baby didn’t mind, and would drink it without scalding. I know I would not be able to keep that up. I did try to freeze my milk within the same day to slow it down though.

I even went to see the LC at the hospital again at 12 weeks. I was concerned he could have a tongue tie or lip tie. She said he didn’t. Mainly because I wasn’t in pain. I think he may, which is why he wasn’t strong enough to keep a good latch. He also has a pretty high palate. But whatever. We did a weighed feed, and I fed him for 30 minutes on each side, and he got about 4 oz. So at least he was transferring milk.  I was starting work the next week, and would have to see how pumping during the day would go.

As it turned out, going back to work and pumping was a blessing in disguise.  I really think getting 3 full bottles during the day helped him gain some weight and helped me keep my supply up. But the times I was breastfeeding were in the morning, when he was sleepy, and in the evening when he was sleepy. So again not the most efficient transfer at those times.

Around the same time, he started becoming very distracted, which also made the bottles a blessing in disguise. I hate to say it, but if I had had to stay home and breastfeed every feeding, I think my supply would have gone down, and he wouldn’t have kept gaining weight and  would have given up.

So where are we now?

6 months, all breast milk except a few bottle of formula we tested out to see if he would tolerate it “just in case we needed a back up.”  But we never used it on a regular basis.

Looking back now, I kept waiting for it to get easier, people kept telling me “it gets easier” some said 6 weeks, some said 12 weeks. I would say it didn’t get any easier until about 20-22 weeks.

What happened then? I think my baby was finally big enough and strong enough to maintain a good latch throughout an entire feeding. He was able to get enough before he got lazy to fill up. He still gets distracted super easy, every sound, every time daddy walks through the room, and forget about it if he hears daddy, he pops right off.

How’s pumping going?
I can write a whole story about this as well. Currently, I try to pump 3 times at work, and at least once before bed. I am barely keeping up with him (he was eating 4 bottles at daycare – 4.5 oz each, now we are doing 3 – 5 oz bottle) and I have dipped into the small freezer stash I was able to make while he was only taking 3 4 oz bottles at daycare. Hopefully once he starts eating solids more regularly, he will space out his bottles.

My original goal was to make it 6 months. Now anything on top of that I will be happy with, and will try to keep breastfeeding up to year if we can.